Monday, March 27, 2006

The New Digs.

As has become customary, I'll start by apologizing for my lack of attention to Tedrow Drive. Much has happened since I last checked in with y'all. I have a meeting with the editor in chief of a major newspaper in the Boston area. I also have another meeting with the author that seems interested in my work. As far as writing goes, everything is chugging along just fine and dandy.

Scientifically, things are moving along fine. There's been some nasty politics swirling about here in the lab. To make a long story short, I was getting dragged into the fray and swiftly recused myself from the situation.

Now for the big news. The really, really big news. We bought our first home!!! Yup, you read that right. Vavoom Q. Citizen is now a homeowner. Our new place is in a fantastic part of Boston, not far from John Kerry's house (I shit you not). We got the place for a fantastic price.

It's interesting, life changes once you have a mortgage. Suddenly I feel "all grown up." We're nervous, but excited to close escrow in the next month or so. For whatever reason, I'm overjoyed with the notion of making simple repairs, redoing the bathrooms and having guests over. It seems like it will be a healthy distraction.

Now it's your turn -- what's your big news? How have you been?

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Peter Pan.

Every morning, I wake up with an increasingly large distaste for adults. I'm not sure why, but as I've grown older, I've developed a strong hatred for the features we adults hold in common -- selfishness, opportunism, racism and cruelty. My recent response has been to withdraw, retreat, isolate myself away from people.

As a consequence, it's made it difficult for me to wish to do anything for anyone. In adopting that attitude, am I not becoming the thing I hate the most?

It's strange, I no longer feel compelled to talk to people in the elevator or help someone that's dropped a bag of groceries. It's as if I'm watching a Polaroid picture of myself develop and my kindness is fading out, not in. Am I destined to be an asshole? Does being an adult necessitate behaving like most would?

Friday, February 24, 2006

If Only...

The winter here has been relatively mild, so I'm told. In my naive opinion, it's still cold as hell. Wait, isn't hell hot? Never mind. In any case, above is a photo of Mujin Harbor in Turks and Caicos. Why they didn't build Fancypants University on a tropical island remains a mystery to me.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The World of Me.

It's been a while. I've been overloaded with work and writing. The author I met with recently would like to meet again to discuss my progress. It's surprising that an accomplished writer would take an interest in my work. All appears well on that front.

Scientifically, things are going somewhat well. Not as well as the writing, but things are chugging along.

I'm also teaching this semester. It's an introductory course. Teaching freshman is always fun. They're motivated, excited and free of the bad habits that typically set in with older students. I've got a couple of ravenous pre-med students on my hands. Jesus, I spent 30 minutes today explaining to one of said students why losing two points really isn't the end of the world.

Not too long ago, I took a trip to Walden Pond. I sat and thought. About everything. About nothing. After stumbling across the above sign placed near Thoreau's cabin, I asked myself, "Have I lived deliberately? Have I really lived at all for that matter?" Having felt a bit spooked by the introspection induced by a simple sign, I started walking. I shook the disquieting prospect of my prior questions, by following them up with, "Has anyone?"

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Down boy, DOWN!

Normally, Prof. Bigshot has the group favorite take care of his house and dog while traveling. Well, the group favorite was also out of town. Guess who got to take care of the dog? Yeah, that's right. Me.

I've never owned a dog. I've had every other type of pet imaginable. Naturally, I was excited to take care of him.

As always, everything I do has a bizarre outcome. Behold:

The dog has a fixed schedule. At 6AM, he needs to be fed and given water. Immediately afterwards, he needs to go outside to poop. I got to the house a tad late. 6:30 AM. I turned off the alarm to Bigshot's palatial estate. As I entered, I went downstairs to let the dog out of his cage. Yes, he's kept in a cage all day. I know, it sucks. Anyways, I fed the dog, gave him water and decided to get him riled up before taking him for a walk. Why not? I mean, he's about to go outside. Let's get him excited, right?


I played with him for about half an hour. He started jumping around frantically. Suddenly he started sniffing the floor rather strangely. To my horror, he squatted down and decided to take a massive dump on Bigshot's floor. "No," I yelled out. Apparently he thought we were still playing. After stomping all over his crap, the dog then jumped up on me and started trying to hump me.

"Down boy, down!" He was having way too much fun spreading his seed and smearing poop all over me. Overtures of "bad dog," had little effect on his thrusting. Trust me, this is not my preferred brand of sex. Finally, he relented. Now there was shit all over me, the dog and the floor. Lovely.

I cleaned up the mess and took him for a long walk. Let me tell you, Bigshot's dog is one horny bastard. He also tried to mount a cocker spaniel during our one hour trip.

For some reason, I seem to think I'll score far lower on a purity test after all of that.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Where Is Vavoom?

Well, as you probably realize, I've been an absentee landlord here on Tedrow Drive. What the hell is going on?

Well, I may have a huge opportunity to publish a fiction novel. Yes, you read that right. A very accomplished writer (think National Book Award) appears willing to help me get my work out there. Between experiments, teaching, courses and now this book, I just can't figure out how I'm going to find time to blog.

I'm committed to keep this blog running. I'm just not sure how this is all going to work out... Please be patient while I sort it all.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

The Sliding Door.

On my first day back to work, I woke up ready to take on anything. I slid out of bed and proceeded to conduct my morning rituals. You all know that I smoke. Yes, I've tried quitting. I typically go out on our tiny balcony for my morning smoke. When I say our balcony is tiny, I mean it. I measures about 9 inches in depth, 5 feet in width.

Like I was saying, I stepped out onto the balcony and lit up my cigarette. It was like any other morning. The birds were singing, below me I saw that the neighbors dog yet again managed to escape and was crapping all over my other neighbor's yard. That damn dog is always carrying a stick around. A couple times I've seen it crap with a stick in it's mouth. Not a bad way to go, if you're crapping.

I usually carry our cordless phone out with me during my morning smoke. Mrs. Vavoom usually calls to bid me good morning and I wouldn't want to miss that call. I'd finished up my smoke, turned slightly to open the sliding door. It was stuck. No matter how much I pulled on the damn thing, it wouldn't open.

I proceeded to put my weight into it. "Open, goddamn you!" As I pulled, the cordless phone slipped, falling into my downstair neighbor's yard. "Oh, shit!" Remember that dog that likes to chew on sticks? The one that craps all over everything? He mosied over to our phone and began mashing his teeth on it.

The phone rang. It must have been Mrs. Vavoom. Of course, the dog didn't seem to mind the ringing. He simply backed off the phone, started barking at it and then really laid into it with his teeth.

All of his barking woke my neighbor. He came out into his yard. "Get, get," he yelled at the dog. "Hi there," I responded, "Could you help me? You see that phone down there... the one the dog was chewing on? Yeah, could you throw it up to me? Also, I'm trapped, my sliding door won't open..."

He threw the phone up to me and replied, "I can't help you get in. If you haven't figured out a way in within a half an hour, I'll call the management." Having said that, he quickly retreated back into his apartment. "Wait, wait... can you call now," I pleaded. It was too late. He was gone.

I was wearing my pajama bottoms and my trusted North Face jacket. I searched the pockets of my jacket and... yes! Our group's leatherman was in my pocket! I was looking for it the last few days. I guess I put it in my jacket and forgot to return it.

I pulled off the side veneering on the door and accessed the lock. Presto-changeo, I was in.

I'm not saying that I live a glamorous life, but it does get interesting...

p.s. I'm having trouble accessing the photos from our trip to the Caribbean. I promise I'll post about our vacation.