Wednesday, May 18, 2005

PDA Watch.

You've decided to have a hot passionate makeout session on campus. Or maybe you're waiting in line at the grocery store and decide heavy petting will make the time pass faster. Perhaps you're spending time at the Berkeley Marina and decide to have sex on a park bench.

Such blatant Public Displays of Affection (PDA) will grant you one fantastic wish -- I'm gonna watch. Yup, you've got it right. If you've decided that you simply don't have the discretion to wait till you get home, then I've decided that I won't have the discretion to turn a blind eye to your activities. I've decided that I'll stare, in the most obvious way, at you until you've decided to stop your salami stroking.

This is a difficult burden for me to carry. Most people doing the most salacious activities in public are not always the type you want to stare at. Yet, I will uphold my convictions -- any overtly lewd behavior will be given a shameless stare. Also, I will breach your comfort zone and watch from an uncomfortably close range.

Also, if you happen to be with me during such an event, be forewarned. I will expect you to assist me with whatever play by play and color commentary needed.


Blogger Fred said...

PDA at my school? Two days ISS. And, some teachers are relentless about handing out the referrals on this one.

3:57 PM  
Anonymous Va-va-Voom! said...

You can't be serious, can you?

Since sharing a kiss, be it a tongue thriller or a simple affectionate touch in public is FANTASTIC-- watch if you will. Stare if you must. Just know that your staring will only make you more uncomfortable and probably get the ones engaged hotter on the subject.

I've heard it only take 30 days to develop a habit. In this case, it would be called voyeurism. I've got to ask, wouldn't it be better to just let the people enjoy their moment and you move on to your day? Or is the sleep deprivation getting to you?

Hell, you're married. Why don't you try it? I'm sure it'll become easier after a few attempts.


4:05 PM  
Blogger Vavoom said...

va-va-getyourownname: I refer to *heavy* petting or *steamy* makeouts. Simple affection is great. I'm sick of seeing nasty people slobbering all over and groping each other everywhere I go. It's just too much. This is the only way I can fight back. I kid you not, I ran into two homeless people having sex in People's Park. I can forgive them knowing that they can't "get a room." God help me if I see something like that again...

4:10 PM  
Blogger Mr. Snitch said...

You obviously haven't thought this thing completely through. Four simple words:

Digital mini-cam. Video blog.

You're welcome.

5:20 PM  
Blogger dreadcow said...

Snitch, AWESOME idea!

Vavoom, I'll join you in your evil little plan and do the same.

The other day there were about ten of us marching back from a detail job we had to do... some soldier was kissing his woman goodbye, so on the count of three we all went "awwwwwwww..."

Embarrased the living crap out of her. Mission accomplished!

6:01 PM  
Blogger Gilad Amitai said...

That made me laugh really hard. It makes sense though.

6:28 PM  
Blogger Rattie said...

It's annoying when you can hear them locking lips in the university library...get a room.

6:59 PM  
Blogger Hoagie1 said...

I think there is nothing wrong with doing something like that in public place when no one is around (or at least you think no one is aournd). But doing in front of ther people is lack of etiquette. You want to exhibit public affection intentionally then do it where people might not frown on you as much... like an exhibitionist colony.

7:18 PM  
Blogger Moose said...

I personally have a problem with the fondling in the checkout line at the grocery store.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Davydgrey said...

Vavoom, some people get off on displaying themselves in a public place. Kind of an exhibitionist tendency, but more akin to thrill seeking. You only need to get worried if they ask you to join in. [smirk]

10:00 PM  
Anonymous PhatPharma said...

Not that anyone doubts him, but Vavoom is serious. He really does this. The problem is, Vavoom considers the doorway to your bedroom part of his public domain. I'm sort of proud to say Vavoom has watched me intently from the hallway as I made out with a girl at a party in college.

10:30 PM  
Blogger Vavoom said...

Hang on there, phatpharma... there's much more to that story than that! I think I was more in shock that you'd make out with a girl like that. Plus, I'd never seen you make out with somebody before. I thought I could learn something from you... yeah, right! ;)

11:17 PM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

I entirely agree with you there Vavoom. I'm just thankful you didn't go one step further and say that you are going to lend them a hand.

11:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


1:21 AM  
Anonymous PhatPharma said...

If by "a girl like that" you mean a girl who wanted to kiss a drunk jerk like me, then yes I would make out with her.

1:41 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

I'd have to agree with you. Public affection is great and when I see it, it actually puts a smile on my face. BUT, there is a line. And when it's to the extent that you speak of, the first thing that comes to mind is my son. It would seriously piss me off if some couple was having an "intense" make-out session or fondling eachother. Someone once smacked their girlfriends ass in front of him and I was freaking livid! It wasn't really that bad, but he's a kid for crying out loud. If it's just me, if you feel you REALLY need to get crazy, well then by all means have at it. But I too will stare. After all, you are asking for it. If my son is there, it's gonna get ugly, real quick. Or any other children for that matter. They're already tainted by TV, school and so much more. Show me that much. (That's like a whole other subject huh? Oops)

2:12 AM  
Blogger Vavoom said...

phatpharma: I kid... we all know you have fine taste in make out partners... and yes, I was watching to learn!

2:32 AM  
Blogger FJ said...


What's wrong with just holding hands, a gentle kiss or sharing a moment on a picnic rug in a park?

Groping and "slobbering" is so off-putting in public.

Keep it to yourselves I say.

7:01 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

Little old couples holding hands on a park bench: sweet. Young married couple shares a soft kiss: sweet. Teenagers grinding against each other in line at the movies: bleaaaa.

Call me old fashioned, but sex and affection are not the same. A little hug here, a kiss there, holding hands- those are affection. Dry humping in public is not affection.

I like your idea; perhaps if I can learn to do this without throwing up, I will join you in your PDA watch.

I have no problem with people enjoying a moment--but when it stretches out into half an hour of serious sex simulation right in your face...ew.

8:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is silly. PDA just isn't important.

I move that we use Vavoom's technique (henceforth called "the Vavoom") to tackle larger societal problems, like obesity. For example, when you are someone who weighs over 300 lbs get in line at a burger king, just do the VAVOOM and exclaim, "Holy shit, she's huge!! What's she doing here?" and let your jaw drop.

Obesity has huge health costs that burden the tax base. This isn't a personal choice, it's a public issue. Fat people can't be given the impression that we don't care and that it's just their problem. I mean, come on, have you ever sat next to some huge whale on an airplane that hasn't been able to see her toes in 10 years? That's clearly not an issue that affects only one person. You should just Vavoom them, then call the stweardess over to let her know this person is a behemoth and can't keep her fat rolls on her own side of the arm rest.

If we all start vavooming fat people, we can make a difference. If vavooming isn't enough, we can also point, and proclaim loudly that they are huge. This isn't really a choice. This is a civic duty. At some level we all suffer because of these blubberous pigs, and we must make sure they know it.

I call on all of you to vavoom the next behemoth who corsses your path. I mean, make'em cry. That's what they deserve!

11:01 AM  
Blogger Danilo da Silva said...

funny/bizarre was when I saw a couple having sex on the dance floor of a night club, in the middle of the dance floor i might add... This was a while back.

It was amazing to see the effort they put into it, doing it while dancing. Now that was really strange. In the same night though I saw another couple doing it in a little hallway of the same club, but that place was kinda hidden for most people.

I was afraid to go back there again, too much action going on.

11:08 AM  
Blogger RT said...

Where have I been? Sex on a bench, grinding in the grocery line??? How come I'm not seeing these sort of activities?!? Guess I'm going to have to start looking harder, lol.

2:04 PM  
Blogger Helen said...

I always thought of Americans as so overly PDA and obnoxious in some way in terms of sexuality... in 1995 I was traveling in Spain and couldn't believe the hundreds of young couples lying on each other in the park! I don't necessarily see much PDA myself, but I think it would be pretty damn funny to see you leering...

10:59 AM  

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