Wednesday, June 15, 2005

A Hairy Situation.

Be forewarned, good reader. This post is a bit on the tasteless side. I wouldn't normally write about something so terrible, so upsetting, but this is a tale of mystery, horror and personal suffering. I simply had to include this vignette in my blog.

It all began yesterday afternoon. I was in the middle of an experiment and really had to use the restroom. For those of you men out there, you know how filthy urinals are. I usually have to keep a minimum of an 8 inch perimeter just to insure that I'm not stepping in urine. Typically, I try not to examine the urinal, since this would only bring chills up my spine.

I can't explain how or why this happened.

As I stepped up to the urinal, I looked down and it was covered with pubic hair. Yes, pubic hair. I immediately stepped back in horror. I then started laughing maniacally. I'm sorry, I have to admit it. It was disgusting and hilarious. I kid you not, there was pubic hair all over it. They were all of the same make. Clearly this hair came from the same person. Listen, I'm not talking about a few stragglers, no, this looked like the floor at a barber's shop.

I tried to rationalize why there were heaps of pubic hair everywhere:

A) Somebody decided this would be a good time and place to shave/give themselves a trim?
B) Male pattern baldness occurring downstairs?
C) Stress. Graduate students are faced with overwhelming stress. Perhaps this was the cause of this pubic hair mystery?

I hadn't realized how badly seeing this pubic hair affected me. As I went through the day, I kept seeing small hairs everywhere. You know, the normal hair that you see every now and then. I kept thinking, "Oh my God, it's everywhere." We have sterile tubes that we use in the lab. I saw two straggly hairs on one of them and nearly dropped it.

Now it's your turn -- what's the strangest thing you've ever seen in a public restroom? Can you add to my list of possible reasons that the hair was there to begin with?


Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

Oooohhhh, Vavoom.
You may be sorry you asked this question. First, my guess is that some guy had planned a little "afternoon delight" and needed to spruce up a bit.

Strangest thing I ever saw was when I was coaching at a high school. In the girls' locker room, we had two toilet stalls right by my office. I came in one Monday morning, and in one there was poo sprayed up the back wall to about chest height. How can that happen? I figured it must have been guys using the gym over the weekend, because I don't know how a woman could do that. And guys continue to amaze me with their bathroom feats. It looked like when you put the nozzle handle on a hose, and spray a fine mist. Only it was poo, not water! Eeeewwww!

1:45 PM  
Blogger Z said...

Now that's funny. Particularly the bit where you started seeing little hairs everywhere. Maybe someone shed on purpose, just to see what reactions occur...

Which may or may not have been what motivated whoever put up a sockful of fashion color condoms in a roadside rest stop with a sign saying "Free 2 good Home"

3:54 PM  
Blogger actonbell said...

That's quite a story. Maybe some guy has sort of a nervous tic, like pulling hairs out while trying to pee? I've never seen anything that would live up to this, sorry...

5:17 PM  
Blogger Rattie said...


5:55 PM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

My first thought was that he is going through chemotherapy. But, I'd say the weirdest thing that I've seen in the bathroom was a urinal mint. I mean... why call it a mint? Does it taste that way? Before or after? Second place goest to a toothbrush that was sitting in the urinal next to the mint.

6:26 PM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

Hillbilly Mom - Scary that I'd have thought this but I wonder if they were relieving themselves of a very strong enema.

6:29 PM  
Blogger Anita said...

When I'm done gagging, I'll let you know . . .

8:07 PM  
Blogger RT said...

So why do guys put ice cubes in urinals?

I have to admit, I'm a bit baffled by what you guys do in your private spaces... Hairs seem almost minimal.

2:51 AM  
Blogger mis_nomer said...


3:43 AM  
Blogger FJ said...

Well, not that I go into men's urinals, but the funniest thing I've ever heard of is the "Pee Ball"...

They are little balls made of stuff that dissolves in liquid, and they were designed for the purpose of getting men to notice the intensity of their pee stream and seek medical advice if it seems "lacking".

Some pubs give them out for free to the blokes when they go and order their drinks...

Also, from a female point of view, it could be seen to be giving the blokes an added incentive to aim better. ;-) LOL

8:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A friend of mine recently saw someone giving themselves a special workout at a urinal in a department rest room. Maybe he pulled a few hairs out while doing it. How many are we talking about? Barbershop sounds like hundreds. Maybe they were just a few really long hairs. A few long hairs can appear like a large number.

7:45 PM  
Blogger Whit said...

OMG -- I was sitting here reading this to my husband and I could not stop laughing! It is gross and horible, but your description just made it too rich not to read aloud!

I'm sure I've seen some scary bathroom things in my life, but the only thing I can think of is a man taking a big dump along a concrete wall at Los Feliz in front of the American Film Institute...from the look of it, he was having some intestinal malfunction. There he was -- 9am on a weekday as though he were privately behind some bathroom stall.

The whole public bathroom scene (or should I say 'pubic') just freaks me out too much...I have to put this out of my mind and move to another site for awhile.

8:19 PM  

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