Saturday, July 09, 2005

The Carnival Of The Trivial.

OK. Here's your chance to help Vavoom big time. All this talk of terrorism is driving me nuts. I want to be reminded that there are good, normal people out there that have interesting problems that are fun to talk about. You have hemmorhoids? I say let's hear all about it. You're worried about a hang nail? Now is your chance to pine for physiologically correct toenails. Bad gas at work? I'm all over it.

Seriously, one of the best things about having a blog is the fantastic people that contribute to it. On all of our blogs, we neglect the trivial. Consider this Vavoom's Carnival of the Trivial. Help me out. Tell me that you need some speaker cable. Anything. Let me bathe in the everyday lives of good people.

I'll start. As a result of my injured achilles tendon, I'm having trouble at work. Well, I'm having trouble in the restroom at work. I can't allow my buttcheeks to touch the toilet seat -- that is a strict Vavoom policy. As a result, I pull my best Windsor Pilates levitation stance over the toilet when doing my business (#2). I'm injured. That's affecting my ability to levitate. I've considered using those butt gaskets that you put on the toilet seat, but they've never been very reliable. I mean, they're always slipping into the water before I can even sit down. Besides, how's wax paper going to prevent an onslaught of cooties? What's a guy with an injured achilles tendon to do?

Now it's your turn. It doesn't have to be anything embarrassing or bizarre like the problem I shared above. Do you need a new phone? Is your neighbor stealing your newspaper? Are you in love with the milkman? Is your thieving neighbor the milkman you love? Anything to restore my sanity. Anything.


Blogger Fred said...

I think it's too late to restore your sanity. But, I'll try.

I have two fetishes. I hate phone cords that are twisted, and I hate toilet paper that rolls from the back, not the front.

In both cases, I must fix the problem immediately for my universe to be made whole.

There, I hope this restores your faith in humanity.

7:13 AM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

I agree with Fred here. I actually never thought you were entirely sane to begin with. B)

I'm working on an art project for my bedroom and living room that will use most of the same colors (the bedroom will have one extra color.) Should be interesting but I still have to buy all the paint and I know the cans will cost me more than I expect.

7:37 AM  
Blogger Moose said...

I need to find someone who is willing to invest in my meat flavored water idea. Jaw wired shut during Thanksgiving? Grab a glass of turkey!

8:35 AM  
Blogger Your Man in Dubai said...

the last job site I was on, in the Middle East only had a hole in the ground toilet. Managed to use it once but was a bit worried about slipping in!

8:43 AM  
Blogger RT said...

You know Vavoom, there have been studies done that prove you ass cheeks are one of the cleanest parts of your body... :o)

I'm having trouble finding a bra that fits properly. Can you help with that? Can you find me a bra that doesn't give me banana boobs?

(PS: Sorry I haven't been posting much lately, they've had me doing some major hours at work for the past week. Which I'm sure you can relate to.)

8:45 AM  
Blogger Hillbilly Mom said...

My child built a 10-story hotel out of dominoes and playing cards. He named it the Tokashima Inn, and took a picture after every level. An earthquake named Little Brother collapsed it. Now he won't pick it up, so our living room is filled with rubble.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

Fred- I know what you mean about the toilet paper
Martin- You got a volunteer?
Moose- Jones soda has the whole thanksgiving dinner in a bottle thing taken care of. Visit their website for more details.
rt- I feel your pain. I can never find one that fits and if I do it is usually very uncomfortable
Finally my issue I am having is pulling weeds, I just can't keep up. As soon as I pull one, I turn around and ten more pop up in its place....Kinda like the grey hair rule :)

11:20 AM  
Blogger Davydgrey said...

Here I was Vavoom all set to post a comment to your blog after a long dry spell and Teri tool all my responses. I guess I will just pretend I said all the things Teri said first...except the bra thing to RT. I don't have that problem.

11:42 AM  
Blogger The Disgruntled Chemist said...

I have to be out of my current apartment on July 31.

But I can't move into my new apartment until August 1.

Logistically speaking, this could be a problem.

12:00 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

I kinda feel your pain about the toilet thing. I have this issue about blowing my nose in public. Its almost like farting in my book. I have to find a restroom and hope that no one is in there. Which is fine and dandy except when you have a cold and have to blow your nose constantly. People tend to think you have the trots.

12:05 PM  
Blogger Merry Stitcher said...

V, I know you were wondering how you injured your achilles. I'm thinking your seat squating was the cause, not the effect. Hmmm.

Here's my contribution to the carnival. Great idea, BTW.

THC and I bought a new bed with a mattress that's twice as tall as the old one. Now, our sheets don't fit, our nightstands are too low...

How's that for trivial? The good news is we're sleeping better than ever!

1:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have two things for you Vavoom.

1.) Speaking of Carnivals, did you know that Joey from N'Sync had a carnival after his wedding reception. Sounds like some ideas omeone told me once.

2.) I am totally with you on the levitating. I was working on it yesterday for so long that I started to sweat. Not just a little but I had drops coming of my face. If someone had seen me coming out they would have thought I was practicing a little self love in the stall.

1:19 PM  
Blogger secondsb4wake said...

1) I don't know why Irish Springs soap looks like that, with the viens and everything.

2) I was really glad to find mini vegetarian corn dogs.

3) Summer isn't as long when you grow up.

1:27 PM  
Blogger Moose said...

While walking around downtown this morning, people kept accosting me asking for change. Also while walking, I noticed Starbuck's was hiring and I wondered if I could be a barista.

3:06 PM  
Blogger dreadcow said...

I'm a bit crabby today, so here we go...

1. Leave has gone by way too quick.
2. (This is totally my own fault): I've gotten fat and out of shape while home
3. People who cry because of my upcoming deployment don't realize how much it hurts me to have to watch them.
4. I need more RAM for my laptop so it will run smoother during online game playing.

And here's my little fetish: I HATE it when people pop their collars. To the point I physically want to tackle them, beat them senseless, and THEN unpop their collar.

4:47 PM  
Blogger Raine said...

I have to finish reading "1776" in 3 days when it's due back at the library. I'm on page 110.

I need to buy new hiking boots and break them in before I leave for Hawaii.

I found a little hole near the bottom of the wall in my coat closet. I had a dream last night of rats running through the house.

6:22 PM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

RT - You said, "I'm having trouble finding a bra that fits properly. Can you help with that? Can you find me a bra that doesn't give me banana boobs?" I might be able to solve your problem. Send me a few photos of the incorrigible tatas and I'll start the hunt. B)

Teri - No candidates but I have decided that if things go bad with these paintings that I can always paint them white again and start over and entertain that idea again.

12:23 AM  
Blogger Denise said...

I can't stand getting stuff on my hands. I wait tables so I am always crafty when clearing dishes. I't not a germ thing, I just don't like it.

Also, I'm hyper-allergic to peanuts. If I even get a whiff of peanut butter I'll have an asthma attack

9:10 AM  
Anonymous PhatPharma said...

We had a picnic yesterday. As I lay on the picnic blanket I pictured how the grass beneath me had flattened out due to my body weight. Then I wondered about walking through a forest where all the trees suddenly fell down all around me. Would I freeze and wait for the trees to slowly rise back into their original positions or would I advance over and under the fallen trees. I'm almost sure ants keep moving during a picnic disaster.

9:53 AM  
Blogger The Lazy Iguana said...

I need new tires for my truck. And a new spare tire for my boat trailer.

Oh yea and the shower drain keeps clogging! I need a lifetime supply of Draino.

11:44 AM  
Blogger RT said...

Hey Teri, I think Martin is working on getting a volunteer right now :o)

Martin, the pic will be on my blog in a sec...

3:39 PM  
Blogger Vavoom said...

Hey, hey... this is *my* blog. RT, Teri, send me the photos and I'll post them. We can barter. Martin will send a picture of his banana and you guys can send photos of your banana boobs. This is power brokering at its finest.

5:20 PM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

RT - Actually, Teri has the right of first refusal since she was asked awhile back but didn't say no or yes. She's tricky like that. But, if someone else says yes first... it might put the pressure on her. Some day I'm going to have to describe the painting idea aren't I?

6:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a great idea. I would consider investing a blog around this idea.

Well, right now, I´m in South America, and can not find that swiggly key that is often found above n´s. I want to ask the person next to me, but am to intimidated.

6:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a great idea. I would consider investing a blog around this idea.

Well, right now, I´m in South America, and can not find that swiggly key that is often found above n´s. I want to ask the person next to me, but am to intimidated.

6:05 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

I have a wedding three weeks and no veil because I am not about to spend as much money on a veil as I did on the dress, just on general principles (if my wedding is still a go after the tropical storms and hurricanes are over).

My dog only weighs twenty pounds and she can clear a room with a soundless expulsion of gas; she even shocks herself sometimes and that is when you know to break out the gas masks.

I can never find the fingernail clippers.

8:07 AM  
Blogger Rattie said...

Will be moving across the country with two people, a dog, and three rats in a small car. The problem: How do I prevent the dog getting stressed out over not being able to eat my rats and how do I prevent my rats from getting stressed out over the fear of being eaten by the dog?

12:36 PM  
Blogger FJ said...

My boss' password on the computer at work is 6969.
He says it's because 69 is the year he was born... *shrugs*

5:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Women hate me and I don't know why. I'm smart, I'm good looking, and I am of no interest to them. Please offer some help.

12:57 PM  
Blogger Vavoom said...

Anonymous (the lonely one): I have two words for you -- Old Spice. Women love men wearing Old Spice.

1:01 PM  
Blogger RT said...

Old Spice or Stetson! Yummy!

Why do guys always want to overlook the classics?

4:49 PM  

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