Thursday, July 21, 2005

Gastrointestinal Gymnastics.

Listen, I'd like to pretend that I'm handling this move in Olympian fashion. Nothing could be further from the truth. In approximately a week and a half, we'll be on a plane to Boston.

Yesterday I had a nice, long panic attack. As a result, I've decided to rename my stomach Natalie Comaneci. Everytime I think about moving to Boston, I can feel my gut running towards the vault. Strangely enough, my stomach manages to reach the vault, spring through the air and then completely mangle the landing.

As I pack, my stomach seems to prefer the floor routine. I can feel my upper intestines being dangled around like that strange ribbon they use during those events. Somersaults and flips are a must in any good floor routine. My stomach is a true champion, in that sense.

Honestly, I've lived in California my entire life. I can't tell you why I'm being such a pansy. I typically handle stress quite well. This move really has me over a barrel.

If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go throw up now.

13 Comments:

Blogger FantasticAlice said...

I officially think that was the most strangely poetic and metaphorical use of describing nerves I have ever heard.

Go on with your bad self.

5:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Same here Vavoom. Moves are a pain in the ass. Just cleaning away the years of grime in the current housing is a pain.

5:40 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

I've moved eight times in the last twenty years. Each one sucked. I feel your pain.

5:53 PM  
Blogger dreadcow said...

my plan is to buy a plot of land and build a house so I never have to move.

6:08 PM  
Blogger Moose said...

You can do this V.

7:07 PM  
Blogger thc said...

Alcohol.

8:39 PM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

You are tougher than you believe you are. It is amazing how much stress we put ourselves under when we know the net isn't below our high-wire. Maybe you can trick it and go crazy on the Mexican food so it has a reason to do the vault.

9:27 PM  
Blogger A Fashionista said...

I'll mail you a barf bag V.
LOL
Try some Zantac. Or Xanax. LOL

9:35 PM  
Anonymous FNPhD said...

PANSY!!!

11:32 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Damnit! fnphd beat me to it. I just have to though.

PANSY!

3:23 AM  
Blogger Evelyn said...

Change is a difficult thing to go through - even if it's a positive change. It is scary to move from one town to another, let alone from one state to another (I've done both types of moves)! You will make it through this - and may be a few pounds lighter for it! Look at the positive side - you are cleaning out everything and throwing that 'clutter' away, right? :) When things get to be too much, just take a short break and do something not stressful.

7:39 AM  
Blogger irishkeough said...

Speaking of moving, someone still has to return some books to the library doesn't someone?

5:33 PM  
Blogger Mr. Snitch said...

Don't look at me. I don't even like to cross town.

3:04 AM  

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