I've had the great opportunity to go to Filene's Basement. Filene's is a major department store here in Boston. The basement is filled with discount clothing that's absolutely amazing. We had made our selections and sauntered over to the fitting rooms.
Upon entering, I realized that this was a fitting room, not rooms. Yes, the clothing comes cheap, but you'll have to participate in a gang change if you want any hope of buying stuff that fits. About twenty sweaty men were disrobing to the tune of Meatloaf's "I would do anything for love" as played by some failed jazz pianist. "When at a tuxedo party, wear a tuxedo," I thought and started to disrobe.
While standing in my underwear, briefs not boxers, two men next to me started talking:
"I think your ass looks fine in it, honest, it really looks good."
"What about my hips, what do you think about the hips?"
"They look good, really, I mean it."
"I don't believe you, you say everything looks good."
"Hey you, what do you think, how does my ass look?"
I kept about my business, praying he wasn't talking to me. "Yeah you, with the Red Sox hat on -- help me out, how does my ass look in this?" "I, uh, it, uh, looks, uh, fine, I guess." "What do you mean, you guess? It either looks good or it doesn't."
There I was, with one leg in my soon to be purchased pants staring at this guy's ass. He was clearly sticking his ass out to accentuate it, but that wasn't helping the evaluation. "You look great, really, you look great." "See, I told you," his friend responded.
Here's where things got really unnecessary.
"Well, put your pants on and we'll let you know how they look," the man told me. "You know, I don't really need that feedback. I just buy whatever's comfortable." As I slid the other pant leg on, and buttoned up, I suddenly heard, "Oh, yeah, your ass looks really good in those. The length is a bit long, but the ass makes up for it. What do you think, Mike?" "Wow, things didn't look too promising when he just had on his underwear, but his ass is lookin' really good in those pants." "Try on that shirt. Let's see how they look together."
Clearly, these two men were having a field day. "Listen, I'd prefer to be left alone." "God, what a bitch," one of the duo responded, "try and help people and they just throw it in your face."
The pants actually do look pretty good. My ass does fill them out quite nicely. That's my opinion, of course. Next time I head to Filene's Basement remind me to bring a screen to disrobe behind.