Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Animal Magnetism.

My brother is a physician. I've begged him to call me whenever something strange happens in the emergency room. Last night, I got a call.

To imagine how ridiculous all of this is, let's imagine that you're a construction worker. You find two magnets at your job site. Each one is shaped like a half donut. There are signs stating that these are high powered magnets, not to be disturbed. What would you do? With the assistance of your friends, would you pry them apart and then decide to put them on your penis, thereby forming the world's heaviest magnetic cock ring?

Well, that's exactly what some guy did yesterday.

The story doesn't end there. Imagine the pain is terrible. You decide you'd like to take these magnets off. Gosh, it hurts. You decide to try and use a wrench to get them off. Imagine that you've never heard of ferromagnetism. Guess what? The wrench clings to your magnetic friends downstairs. Now you have a heavy wrench and two magnets attached to your penis.

According to my brother, the emergency room is notified that a patient is coming via phone. He picked up the phone and heard, "Male, something years old, heavy magnets and wrench attached to penis." Typically, my brother has to figure out what resources he'll need to treat the incoming patient. He yelled out, "I need a pile of KY jelly and muscle relaxers, STAT!" All of the nurses turned, looked at him and broke out laughing.

Man, I'm in the wrong business. Nothing that bizarre ever happens around here.


Blogger LoraLoo said...

Emergency room stories are hilarious. One of my best friends works in a local emergency room and I get to hear these crazy stories about human stupidity too... I couldn't do it. I couldn't keep a straight face!

8:17 AM  
Blogger Edge said...

Encourage your brother to do a blog. How funny. Had a cowoker tell me how he got a job in a dairy farm once. Seems his predicessor attached a milking machine to himself and got engourged and stuck. This all at 2 AM. He would have been stuck all night if his screams had not been heard by the farmer paying him to milk the cows.

Some people's kids ...

8:32 AM  
Blogger RT said...




9:15 AM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

For some reason this reminds me of a Web site that used to post photos of these weird hospital room occurences. The one that scared me most was the Windex bottle stuck up someone's (cough) rectum. Thick end first.

He does need a blog.

10:22 AM  
Blogger Denise said...

Oh, man. Don't try that at home. It's gotta be freakish to go to a measure to pleasure yourself and then have to go to the ER because you went too far. Obviously it seemed like a good idea at the time. I wonder if he lost his job?

11:27 AM  
Blogger FantasticAlice said...

80's nut-at least it wasn't a gerbil (my aunt says those stories are true).

Thanks Vavavavaoom! That kept me in stitches long enough to cause a coworker to come to my office to see what I was laughing about.


5:36 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

Your brother should have told him that he had to cut the penis off due to lack of blood flow. Now, that would have been good.

6:27 PM  
Blogger Moose said...

The funniest thing I have read today. Thanks V.

9:05 PM  
Blogger Merry Stitcher said...

V -
Admit it. You're making this stuff up!

12:01 AM  
Blogger Vavoom said...

Merry: I wish this story was a concoction. Unfortunately it's true.

7:46 AM  
Blogger Lady of the House said...

Too funny. Were they able to remove the magnets with the muscle relaxers and KY jelly, or did they have to use something else?

5:44 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

Oh that was good. Laugh out loud funny!

7:39 PM  
Blogger Vavoom said...

Lady: It turns out that they had to completely knock the guy out. He was fidgeting so badly (which is understandable), the only way to pry them off was to have him completely under. Apparently his organ was saved and he'll be back to his genital stupidity in no time.

8:31 PM  
Blogger dusty said...

omg..that was too freaking much..i am always amazed at the stupidity of people..and what they will stick on their johnsons or in their bodies..

3:29 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home