Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Running Scared.

I stood there, my mouth agape. How could this be?

I had eaten fried okra the night before. That couldn't have done it, could it? We have a single user restroom for our lab. When I arrived in the morning I felt that "not so fresh" feeling. I needed to go number two. By the time I finished, I looked down at the toilet. It was a mess. I couldn't explain how things worked out that way. In my mind, I tried to imagine the fecal trajectory responsible for the mess. Physically, it just didn't make sense.

As the day progressed, I kept hearing from my labmates, "Hey, did you see what happened in the bathroom?" "Yeah, it looked like someone was filled with shit and exploded in there," another responded. "God help the poor custodian that has to clean that thing up."

I felt terrible. Mind you, I didn't leave a mess outside the toilet. Still, it was pretty embarrassing. "Vavoom, can you believe what happened in the toilet? We were talking and figured it must have been some crazy homeless guy that did it." "Yeah, homeless guy," I responded. Would they find out that it was me? This is the stuff urban legends are made of. I'd become "that guy" in the department. That's the last thing I want.

At the end of the day my advisor, who lives relatively close to me, asked me if I wanted to walk home together. As we walked, my advisor said, "You know, Vavoom, I was the first one into the lab today. I used the restroom. It was clean when I left. I saw you were the first student into work. After you came in, the toilet was suddenly a disaster." "What a coincidence," I said, "I noticed that too. I wonder who used it." "Don't give me that," my advisor replied, "I know it was you. This one is a gimme. The next time you pull that crap, I'm going to rat you out to the rest of the group."

"I'm thinking it was you," I said, "It had to be one of us that did it. For all I know it was you." I started laughing hysterically, as did my advisor. When I came into work this morning, I opened my desk drawer and found a toilet scrubber. On it was a note reading, "Seems like you'll be needing this --xoxo Prof. Bigshot."

9 Comments:

Blogger Fred said...

We have one bathroom in our teacher planning area. Last year, they turned the water off for a few hours. Well, one of the brighter bulbs in this department forgot that fact, and decided to blow out his bowels. He couldn't flush.

We used another planning room the rest of the day.

10:11 AM  
Blogger FantasticAlice said...

Didn't know fried okra could do that to a person. You poor thing. Now if you hated the custodian like I did here at my infamously wonderful place of employement that wouldn't have been a problem (it would have been hysterical). Either way plausible denial is great... unless you actually have a peer who has way to much sherlock holmes in him for his own good. Either way the scrub brush was a nice touch.

11:07 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

Stories like that are why I don't do that in public bathrooms. Seriously.

My husband's 1st day of work at his new company a couple of years ago, he did basically the same thing, only he had to go ask someone for a plunger...he did not want to go back in the next day.

3:31 PM  
Blogger Meow said...

Why didn't you just clean up with paper towels???? That's so damned funny, I'm FOFLOL right now w/tears in my eyes. Maybe you need to just keep a small sample size of Ozium & a small trial size of Lysol in your desk drawer for these special moments. If it were me, I would have just used paper towels and water to wipe down the toidy. LOL LOL LOL
Here take this quiz. LMAO
http://www.thisisacryforhelp.com/quiz/shitquiz/shit.html

8:56 PM  
Blogger Merry Stitcher said...

Stories like that make me glad you are 4000 miles from MY bathroom!

9:13 PM  
Blogger Moose said...

At least is sounds like they have a sense of humor there at fancypants.

11:45 PM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

I'm thinking that it's something that would have created more gas behind it to cause such a blast. I'm thinking that I would have grabbed a big cup of water and splashed it around the bowl to rinse but this must have been pretty heinous. Here's to more fiber in your diet!

12:48 AM  
Blogger dahvid said...

ohmygod!! that's hilar-...err..i meant...well, shit happens. *patting back*

4:57 AM  
Blogger dusty said...

you poor guy..at least your boss has a sense of humor..and now blackkmail on you evidently :P

5:03 PM  

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