Thursday, August 11, 2005

Ted Sketchmeister.

There's a guy in my group that's 38 years old. That's old in scientific years. Very old. To protect the not so innocent and convey all sentiment correctly, let's call him Ted Sketchmeister, Sketchy for short.

Sketchy is a pervert. I'm not joking. Every woman that passes is the recipient of a whispering "Oh, yeah" from Sketchy. As you can imagine, this makes Sketchy an annoying guy to hang out with. The undergraduates have started arriving here at Fancypants University. Freshman are an interesting lot. Having just left home and everyone and everything they know, they are understandably uncomfortable with their new surroundings.

Sketchy has decided that this is the perfect opportunity to strike. He's now decided to hang around the main quad on campus and pick up on unsuspecting freshman girls. If Sketchy were a nice guy and really was looking for a relationship or even a little fun, I'd have no problems with all of it. No, Sketchy is now trying to see how many freshman he can bag in the next month. He's put a ridiculous tally up on the board just outside his desk. As I walked in this morning, the first victim was scrawled on the board.

There's something about a 38 year old man preying on poor 17 year old girls that really bothers me. I'm going to foil his plans. Here's the idea -- I'll hang out with him on the main quad. Just when he starts talking to a young girl, I'll say something like, "Hey, remember that thing you did with that snake -- how long did you say it took before you could take a crap?" or maybe "Hey, I finally figured out what caused that sore on your penis."

Perhaps I'm being an ass. You really need to meet Sketchy to see why this is all very disgusting. Now it's your turn -- give me your best anti-Sketchy line that you would use to turn off a 17 year old girl. I'm curious to hear what you guys can cook up.


Blogger Megan said...

Okay, first of all that is creepy and disgusting and aren't there supposed to be laws that protect 17 year old girls from 38 year old men?

Secondly, are you sure he is telling the truth about the first one? I would think most girls that age would find someone of his age to be repulsive. But just in case they don't:

1. What did the doctor say about that pussy discharge? Is it contagious?

2. Oh by the way, I forgot to tell you, your wife/mother/boyfriend called and said to tell you to pick up milk on the way home.

9:31 AM  
Anonymous little john said...

Hey Ted, how about another three-way?

10:16 AM  
Blogger Lily said...

So Ted did you register on the states sex offender list yet?

10:36 AM  
Blogger European said...

I'm with Meagan - isn't that illegal?

search around in your bag and say "Okay Ted, time for your meds. We don't want that herpes to flare up!"

4:25 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

1. Ted! The clinic called and asked that you call back immediately with a list of all your sex partners.

2. Teddy! I picked up a box of Depends for you while I was out.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Moose said...

Did they ever figure out what that rash was?

7:33 PM  
Blogger Meow said...

How about this line......."So, I'll see you and the Missus around 8. Bye see you later."

8:41 PM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

"I dunno, Ted. Isn't this a weird place to meet an escort?"

9:24 PM  
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12:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Talking to her violates the conditions of your parole!

12:43 AM  
Blogger janthelabfly said...

simply litter that fancypants campus
with hot pink flyers that read WARNING: (pic of Ted) and then an explanation to the freshman ladies about Ted's age and his ridiculous score board..(ewww that Ted)

2:20 PM  

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