Monday, October 10, 2005

Happy Conqueror's Day!

Get out your smallpox, rape and systematic killing. Today is Conqueror's Day. Regale in Columbus' errant landing in the Bahamas and kiss your indigenous people goodbye!

Seriously, what's all this nonsense about? Sure, I'm glad there's a national holiday today... who isn't? But, really, do we need to celebrate Columbus? Can't we find a truly heroic figure to name this national holiday after? Hell, I'd be happier if we called today "Jimmy Carter Day." I'd be even happier if we named today "Take a Day Off Day." Columbus Day? What a joke.

I propose we rename this holiday. Send in your suggestions. C'mon, this'll be fun!


Blogger Linny said...

well, I heard (somewhere) that while many thought the world was flat Columbus (our most precious of rapists and pillagers) thought the world was shaped like a woman's bosom (that's boobies for those born after 1980) so... let's renames it "national booby day"!! I've always wanted a day to celebrate my boobies!!!

10:16 AM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

I'm with Linny on that one. They just aren't celebrated enough.

11:43 AM  
Blogger The Disgruntled Chemist said...

How about "National I'm still in this damn lab" Day? What's all this about a day off?

And linny, every day is a day to celebrate boobies. Who needs an excuse?

11:43 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

National Everyone Gets the Day Off Except Me Day?

Any Excuse for a Bank Holiday Day?

National Celebration of People With no Sense of Direction (or Learn to Use a Compass Day)

1:18 PM  
Blogger irishkeough said...

I propose we call this Notre Dame day, where we all take a moment to reflect how important Notre Dame is to everyone. Notre Dame has impacted the lives of every single American and some point in time.

1:46 PM  
Blogger RT said...

Well, I might be a little biased, but I think a National RT is the Queen of the World Day is in order.

1:52 PM  
Blogger Lia said...

Mental Health Day. I need one every so often, and now is just fine with me. Can you believe I actually thought about going to work today anyway? I'm paid by the hour . . . Still, it's so nice to have a legit day off, even if not everyone agrees its legit.

3:28 PM  
Blogger Bar Bar A said...

I like Linny's idea...all the women should receive a free lace bra AND get the day off work.

Are banks closed today? Who gets this day off?

3:29 PM  
Blogger dusty said...

i remember trying to explain Columbus Day to my son..jesus..its a Mental Health Day and nothing more..we could all use more of those I am pretty sure..

4:21 PM  
Blogger Ivan said...

Jimmy Carter...excuse me while i puke. That shit is the only reason i'm in this country. And Let public universities have the day off day.

8:26 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

How about, "My district doesn't celebrate Columbus Day, so I had to work while most of the rest of you were off" day.

8:32 PM  
Blogger GSR said...

Columbus Day means it's time to come to New Hampshire and view the foliage. Of course, with all of the rain we've had, there ain't many leaves left on the trees. But come on up anyway...we've got malls and no sales tax.
Linny and an80snut, to celebrate the boobies, we have one booby bar in New Hampshire - not much foliage but the view isn't too bad.

9:25 PM  
Blogger European said...

We went through this whole Columbus-worship crap in my student-teaching first grade today. *shudder*
Also, I've heard talk that C.Day is now called "Discoverers' Day" - to be more multicultural.
And you wonder when teachers are sarcastic?

11:01 PM  
Blogger Linny said...

can we "discover" boobies then?

1:10 PM  

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