Wednesday, November 02, 2005

The Horror.

We have a single user restroom for our entire lab. It's a feature common to many labs here at Fancypants University. It has all the amenities you'd expect in a single user restroom -- toilet paper, butt gaskets, clean toilet, sink, etc. The only thing that's lacking is a reliable latch on the door.

This morning I strolled into the restroom, prepared to conduct my morning defecation ritual. When I was finished wiping, I just wasn't as clean as I'd like to be. So, I decided that I would carry out an age old solution to the dirty butt syndrome. I wet the toilet paper. Yes, you heard it here first, I wet the toilet paper and then use it. It's a single user restroom. Nobody's going to see me, right?

I stood over the toilet, reaching over to wet the paper in the sink and then use it. Just as I reached over to wet one final time, the bathroom door opens. It's Prof. Bigshot. Bigshot yelled out in horror, "Oh Jesus, Vavoom!" When the door closed, I heard Bigshot ask, "What the hell are you doing in there?" "I'll be done in a minute," I responded, "Just give me a minute..."

When I left the bathroom, Bigshot was outside with two other faculty members. Apparently they were all headed somewhere and Bigshot wanted to stop off at the bathroom. I can't tell you why, but the disgusted look on their faces made me erupt in laughter. I couldn't stop. I'm still chuckling as I write this.

My advisor has now seen me naked and knows that I wet my toilet paper. I've also managed to disgust another two faculty members in one day. Not bad. Not bad at all.


Anonymous Your Man at LA said...

That will teach you to carry one of those boxes of wet ones into the bath room with you. At least she did not start laughing at you naked. Another Doctor office episode.

12:17 PM  
Blogger FantasticAlice said...

WOW! This Alice's complete look of horror/surprise.

Your poor thing.

12:35 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

LMAO I would just die if that happened to me at work. I dont even like to have to use the restroom at work since we have to share one toilet among 10 co-workers. Too funny.

2:00 PM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

I've actually heard from a bunch of people about the baby wipes (biodegradable and flush-safe.) Then again, the one person that mentioned it to me also bought a really expensive toilet recently that sprays water over the dirty area to clean it and then blows it dry. I can't look at him with a straight face anymore.

5:17 PM  
Blogger Lily said...

Perhaps Prof. Bigshot should take Common Sense 101, covering such topics as: knocking first before entering a bathroom and knowing when to apologize.

I love that you laughed at their expressions, priceless.

6:34 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

You and your bathroom stories, priceless :)

8:27 PM  
Blogger Camphor said...

lol - and I'm glad you laughed at thier expression. I'd ahev screamed.

Did you know that in countries like India, toliet paper is not used at all - use water and your hands. :D

9:24 PM  
Blogger Bar Bar A said...

Personally I would have died on the spot but I am glad you have a good sense of humor in these matters! Reminds me of a story when I accidently opened the door and saw a naked priest. I think I'll post it someday.

11:39 PM  
Blogger European said...

The bathroom stories are back!

12:10 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Butt gaskets??? (I'm bad at this stuff.)

Vavoom, at least we know you have a clean ass. You must make your wife proud!

5:13 AM  
Anonymous PMO said...

Vavoom, in Brazil they actually have a hose next to the toilet. I'm serious. They wash their arse after each use...Hey, it's hygenic. you should request one from your bigshot professor--he's seen you wet your TP. at least he'll know the hose will be put to good use.

6:31 PM  

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