Monday, November 21, 2005

Smart Reading.

Wanna feel like you haven't done anything with your life? Read this.

UPDATE: Commenters have the right idea here. Your task now is to write an overly flattering bio of yourself. Do it, damn you!!!

10 Comments:

Anonymous Your man in LA said...

Those are quite impressive but both ivy league and activity crazy.

We should all try to write similarly impressive and pompass descriptions of our lives.

Your man in LA attended Hole in the Wall University where he earned concurrent degrees in Mathematics and Chemistry accumulating 178 semester hours in 4 years with only a single grade other than A (B in English fiction). He was awarded outstanding undergraduate honors from both the math and chemistry departments his senior year. He conducted research on the synthesis of multiply bonded organometallic compounds and authored papers on the affect of molecular structure and orientation on intense laser ionization. While attending school, he also worked an average of 25 hours of week to cover his expense. Activities outside of university focused on getting some.

12:31 PM  
Blogger Linny said...

smart people bug me... I find I'm more interesting :)

3:30 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

I like your man in la's idea- I was feeling pretty low after reading that until I realized I could make my own sound better with fancy language.

Megan graduated cum laude from School You Have Never Heard Of with a double degree in environmental science and chemistry. She conducted research on the photosensitivity of indigenous honeysuckles versus that of introduced species to pinpoint the success of the introduced species. Megan authored a paper on the state of local water quality and remediation methods. Extracurricular activities included the Environmental Club, Habitat for Humanity, and working for the school fitness facilities. She has attended one semester of PhD level courses in toxicology and conducted research on the effects of hypoxia inducing drugs on cells of victims of ACL.

4:19 PM  
Blogger Matt said...

Renton was born at a young age. He never killed anyone, and most small woodland creatures liked him. He couldn't be all bad.

9:01 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

Fred:

- was born into an average family
- lives an average life
- never invented anything
- learned at an early age how to make farting noises using his armpits
- learned at a later age how to make farting noises using his thighs
- jumped into his first dumpster at age 26
- holds the record for completing the alphabet while burping
- actually reached the age of 48, bankrupting major Las Vegas casinos

My life, and welcome to it.

9:25 PM  
Blogger Bar Bar A said...

I taught myself to read when I was three.

10:46 PM  
Blogger An80sNut said...

An80sNut was first published while in 4th grade. This writing skill would continue to grow throughout high school as he was awarded the school's highest honor for poetry. He also wrote the valley's first and longest lasting album review column for a Las Vegas high school (which was also cited for praise by the local newspaper.) While returning from college, An80sNut turned his writing skills towards music joining a local industrial band. After 5 successful singles, record-setting requests and a short tour, he departed to focus on music journalism and has since become a highly-respected 80's musicologist and trade journalist. His first book has been pushed back to 2010.

11:53 PM  
Blogger Linny said...

Linny from Michigan:

graduate of the university of outer mongolia after a short stint at inner mongolia college. developed an igloo colony to house the homeless during the long winter months. established a "no child left behind" program to provide chocolate milk to every child that wanted it. performed brain surgery with a pocket knife, saving the life of Presiden GW Bush - although the jury is still out on that on whether or not that was a good thing.

7:22 AM  
Blogger The Disgruntled Chemist said...

The Chemist graduated cum laude from That Other School In San Diego...No, The Other One. He was an athlete and coach for a Division I athletic team, and played a vital role on a commission charged with improving the water quality in streams and at beaches in Southern California. He actively studied the effects of sleep deprivation and malnutrition on college age student-athletes/chemistry majors, and he went surfing a couple of times too.

10:42 PM  
Blogger irishkeough said...

Irishkeough barely scrapped to magna cum laude at the school with the greatest football team in the land. His ranting and raving single handedly lead to his football teams on the verge of a BCS bowl in their first year with a decent coach in 8 years and also have his NFL team in first place for their division. He's been dealing with a real two-faced lying incompetent boss with unhearalded complaining. His research is mostly useless, but interesting to some. Oh...

HE HAS A 9 INCH COCK. 9 INCHES FROM THE GROUND.

take that rhodes scholars. look at your little dicks and cry.

10:56 AM  

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